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Runaway Kurdish Youth
by Ara Alan
The Kurdish American Youth
Organization conducted a six-month research consisting of interviews and
discussions with professionals in the field of psychology on a social
problem existing among Kurdish communities in the United States. The
purpose of the project was to simply have a better understanding of the
negative occurrences in order to prevent it from happening in the
future.
In the past few years a
new phenomenon started to occur and reoccur among the different Kurdish
communities in the United States. Simply put, this phenomenon can be
best described as young Kurds running away from home. In most cases, the
phenomenon comes to surface through gossip due to the way they end,
which is marriage.
Kurdish American Youth
wishes to discuss this topic not in an attempt to present an all ending
solution to the so-called problem, but instead, in hopes of having it
recognized as an issue at hand in our Kurdish community. Our effort was
to collect as much information on the different cases of runaways in
hopes of recognizing a similar pattern among them that we could
determine was the cause of the problem. A very difficult deviant in the
cases is interracial/international marriages; where in some cases they
could be labeled as result of runaways, in others they are merely
product of love between two individuals with different backgrounds.
Unfortunately most
runaways that do not result in marriage go undetected by the
communities, and as a result, we could not information regarding those
incidents. This is due to strong Kurdish family bonds and family held
“secrets”. To disregard them is a major mistake and it would be unfair
to those individuals and families that underwent the ordeal. All one can
do is to keep them in mind and to be sensitive towards them.
As the new generation is
being raised here the possibility of cultural clash increases day by
day. We live in a country in which the way of life clashes sharply with
our own Kurdish backgrounds. Lifestyle in the west, particularly the
United States, is based upon individualistic values and highly praises
individual liberties. Kurdish culture at the opposite pole is a very
collective society. One of the expectations of the collective community
is for its members to marry with one other and not with “outsiders.”
Individuals are expected to sacrifice their own liberties for the
greater good of the community. In some cases, the degree of
collectiveness is so harsh that they tie the individual up with a
special region, dialect, sect of religion, and/or social status of the
families.
When viewing the cases,
misunderstanding of the clashes mentioned above stares you right in the
face! Generally, this problem occurs among those teens that were born in
US or have moved to the US at a very early age. Such youths’ upbringings
are heavily influenced by the so-called western lifestyle either
through, media, school, or through the youths’ peers. Young Kurds have
a very difficult time to understand the strict and stringent
requirements of their parents and those requirements of their community.
Parents and our communities are also at fault for their lack of
understanding of the youths’ needs, desires and background motives. They
have to understand that a youth’s membership in the Kurdish community is
a matter of choice and NOT a requirement. Therefore, youths must be
encouraged to participate as well as to respect and understand all
aspects of Kurdish culture including its trait of collectivism. Forcing
those values on young Kurds will result in rebellion against norms, as
way of punishing or getting back at their parents. “Teenage rebellion”
is an all too familiar term here in western society and our youth are
taking up on it as well.
Running away from home, or
dating an outsider is the most extreme way for youths to rebel. Buildup
of misunderstanding leads to frustration of both parties involved, and
eventually to a climax that consists of either with the youth running or
the youth being forced in a marriage, which they do not desire. Marriage
should never be a solution for either side to fix their misunderstanding
even though it might be the easiest route to take. There are many cases
of failed or dysfunctional marriages that were result of force.
Sometimes, a youth will run away to the only place that they feel they
may turn, which is their significant other. This problem would be much
less likely in Kurdistan because the youth had alternate choices such as
grandparents, aunts or other relatives. The resolution of most of these
cases is marriage. Taking such course of action negates the original
problem and it could be a forced marriage. A person is bound to marry,
based on a decision that could have resulted from an emotional
split-second reaction! She or he may have run away simply from the
lifestyle at home and the constant misunderstanding in hopes of a new
lifestyle with another person, and not necessarily for the love of the
other person.
The gap between parent and
youth is usually larger in those families that spend less time together.
Spending quality time is a very difficult task when dealing with newly
immigrated families who are under the heavy burden of labor. Many of
these new families have the older children, in addition to both parents,
working two or three jobs. These families are struggling in a new
country just to stay on their feet! However, children need constant
guidance and interaction from parents to be able to understand and
relate to their culture. Constant interaction leads to an overtime
understanding of one another’s perspectives.
Parents must pay
particular attention to desires of their youth and their ability to find
and select their own partners in marriage. This is a liberty, which is
long overdue. Although a parent’s blessings, thoughts and inputs are
very important and crucial for a healthy marriage, it should be viewed
as a given privilege and not as a right.
Youth runaways can be
result of many factors and some may be very odd to a particular case.
However, the most significant factors are the result of cultural clashes
and lack of respect for individual’s right in choosing their own
marriage partner. It is the duty of the parties involved, parents and
the youth, to come to an understanding of their differences with the
heavier burden being on the parent and the community members. Kurdistan
and the Kurdish culture should never be used as a “punishment”. Many
parents have threatened their children that if they step astray from
their parents’ decisions, they will be sent back to Kurdistan! The
community members and parents must help the youth understand the
cultural difference of societies in the U.S. and of our Kurdish
societies to help the youth develop a love and passion for Kurdistan,
and not a fear!
In the end, we are hopeful
that by bringing up the subject of the youth runaway as a social issue,
we could shed some positive light on this already existing problem. We
are hopeful that the different Kurdish communities across America
recognize the problem and try to handle as a serious matter, and not as
a topic of joke or gossip, in the future gatherings. This is a real
problem that exists in our societies and it could face any of us at any
time or place!
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